, determine the participants in the BCS national championship game? We here at BCSWTF have pondered this question, and have been unable to come up with an adequate answer.
Clearly, we need a more logical system for determining the participants in the national championship game. So, after meeting for hours at the BCSWTF corporate offices, consuming enough Schaeffer Light and
to melt all the snow in New England, and running all the data through our 8-Bit Nintendo machine, we have come up with more relevant indicators of who belongs in the title game.
Below you'll find our important factors. A numerical score of 1-10 (10 is highest, duh) has been assigned for each school.
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Overall Record |
10 wins. One loss.
Pac 10 conference champions.
A good haul.
SCORE: 8
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11 wins. One loss in Big 12 championship.
Great season, but blew the big one.
SCORE 9
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11 wins. One loss.
SEC conference champions.
Their best season since 8 tracks were around.
SCORE 9
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Who did they lose to? |
Berkeley, the only team in Division I that wears Birkenstocks instead of cleats.
SCORE: GRANOLA 4
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Kansas St., who despite the purple uniforms, has a tough squad.
SCORE: 8
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Did we mention purple? LSU lost to a good (though not BCS worthy) Florida team.
SCORE: 9
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How did they lose their game(s)? |
In triple overtime, by a field goal, on the road, because of a goal line fumble.
SCORE: 9
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They got their asses handed to them on a neutral site. It was over at halftime.
SCORE: CHOKE 4
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Tigers lost handily, on their own turf, to the Gators.
SCORE: 7
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Who's got the best team name / mascot? |
Trojans.
Its Roman.
Its ass-kicking.
Its sexual.
What more could you ask for?
SCORE: 10 |
The Sooners.
Its kind of hick,
and reminds us of our
sexual performance lately…
SCORE: QUICK 6 |
The Tigers.
Evidently, someone already took "Wildcats"
when LSU's turn came around to pick a name for themselves.
SCORE: 5
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Are the school colors hard, or what? |
Cardinal and Gold. As soon as you see it, you know 'SC is on the field (or is it Minnesota). Just don't wear that Cardinal too far off campus, or you might get some SoCal lead in your ass.
SCORE: 9
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We wish we were making it up that OU calls its colors "Crimson & Cream". We cannot endorse anything with the word "Cream" involved.
SCORE: JIZZ 4
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We don't know what they call it at LSU, but it looks like "Butt Pirate Purple and Yellow" to us.
SCORE: 6
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Which band is the best? |
They play "The Simpsons Theme." They have a #1 song. They have big French ticklers on their heads. It's the "Spirit of Troy!!"
SCORE: 9 |
We thought Stacey Valentine was the "Pride of Oklahoma"…!
SCORE: 5 |
 "The Golden Band From Tigerland" are so damn grand I had sex with my hand.
SCORE: MASTERB 8 |
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